I do not know of anything more loving than to unite completely with my soul. I have heard her voice many times over these past few years, as I woke more and more from the collective abyss experienced in mass consciousness. For me it began with a sense of danger. From the moment that my first born son sprang forth from my body, the sense that something could go horribly wrong permeated my existence and I began to fear life. As a Leo, I became the mother lioness that I AM and became so protective that it was almost impossible for those I loved to have space for their own life. Slowly the constant fear that I felt grew, until almost all of my choices came from the unconscious desire to not feel the fear; to protect myself, and so I began to say, “No” to life. I lived in this contraction of life force energy, until I was ready for change. No surprise that it was once again an invitation from our first born son, Michael, no coincidence, that I began my journey of ascension; my journey back home to me.

 

He asked, very simply, late one night after I had been waiting up for him to come home, “Why Mom, do you think that I am safe until midnight and that after that, you practise me being dead until I come home?” It was brutal and I was forced in that moment to confront this nasty aspect of mine that I had allowed to control and ruin every moment of potential joy. He was sixteen and driving, every parent’s nightmare. Calmly he looked at me across the table and said so gently, the fear is yours and you might want to look into it. I knew, in that instant, that he was right and that I no longer wanted to live within this prison of my own fears. From that moment onwards, I have been confronting, owning and clearing one fear after another and I had been feeling so much better, so free that I almost thought I was done!

 

It was ten years ago that we had that conversation and my journey of self healing; of self love has not only been a gift of freedom for me, but for my entire family. As I became consciously aware of how fear operates, it is as though I have opened a space for many others to walk through and I am able to witness it all. The joy that I feel as one more courageous soul reaches for freedom is the reason for my existence. I can no more not assist, than not breathe. I am here to do this job; of supporting others, as they transition through the many difficulties that they will encounter traversing theNetherlandsbetween the conscious dimensions of time and space. I am here to guide and inspire, “keep going”, I whisper, “it is your way out.”

 

Over the past years I have gifted myself with many valuable tools, discovered through my willingness to begin to say, “Yes” to the things that called me. I slowed down and became comfortable saying, “No, I don’t want to,” inviting in more and more of the supports that I needed to encourage this new connection growing inside of me. I reconnected to all that helped me feel safe; from the simplest things like a slow walk in nature, to soft soothing music, salt baths, sound healing and yoga and also to the loving and supportive hands of many alternative health practitioners. I allowed my thirst for new knowledge to direct my discoveries and found a wealth of information on our new super highway, known as the internet. Help came right to my door and eventually I even flew out to meet it! In short, I discovered a deep well of safety that exists in me, for me and it lies deep in my belly; in my calm centre.

 

Finally I was home, or so I thought, until I discovered that there was one more hurdle to clear and it is a biggee, for deep in this safest part of me also lies much pain. At first, I kept it separate from me and went out looking for relief, thinking that it was only a physical glitch, looking to others; the outer authority who must know more than me, hoping for that magic “pill.” Yet slowly, ever so slowly, my soul kept drawing me back to me, to the only place that really matters, for it is here that I create the reality outside of me to experience. Slowly, silently, as I breathed into this belly of mine, I began to hear a voice; my voice, the voice of my own soul’s guidance. Gently and quietly she began to fill me with a breath so sweet, a hope so strong that I began to know it as my soul’s song. Some days I sang to myself, others I wept. Always I spoke and listened with a full and open heart, until the connection between us grew so strong that I was ready to confront my deepest and darkest core energies. Suddenly I know that these past months of physical discomfort have been about me coming here to this very moment; this final merger of my human and Divine selves, for I AM GOD ALSO and I am here to know and to experience this truth. So now all that is blocking me is revealing itself to me. Emotions are like farts and holding them in will eventually hurt us! (With loving thanks to Heather Teach for this inspirational sharing) This deep core fear that I came in to resolve is here for me. It is not my enemy and I have done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong. My entire body of consciousness; spiritual, mental, emotional and physical is now communicating and I am receiving. It is what I have been asking for all of my life.

 

So yesterday I sat with my SELF to breathe with me, no longer fighting with  what is, but rather feeling it even more and inviting all of me home. I made a simple choice to sit and receive, to be here now. Once I began to breathe, I placed my hands; one on my navel, the other my heart and noticed that my abdomen was not moving. I gently invited my breath to go deeper; to enter fully and it did, descending into my belly, settling where the constriction has been most prominent. As soon as this connection was made I suddenly felt a great wash of emotion, hearing my own soft words whispering that it is OK, that what I am feeling is OK and that I have felt this “something wrong” feeling forever and it is accurate. I came in to feel this and to allow it to resolve. All energy seeks resolution, all the time. It is the main operating principle of planet earth; this miraculous planet of free will. I came in at a time when all of planet earth vibrated at a much slower pace than I and instead of deciding that there was something wrong “out there”, I internalized this feeling and have believed that there was something wrong with me ever since! Now finally it has settled into the physical awareness, so that I can see it clearly and choose again. It is the moment of resolution; choice point, “AM I the powerless victim of life that my body is asking me to believe or is there something else operating within me, a higher power working with me towards freedom?” Ahh, the compassion for SELF that came in with this knowing, the tears real and so soothing, as gentle as my own souls’ voice washing away the pain and willing me to choose again and this time I did. I chose freedom; the freedom to trust mySELF so completely that I allow all of life to be received by me, all of it, without judgement, as it is all here to serve my choice to be that which I AM, GOD ALSO. In this miraculous time in history, the first NEW moon of a very new year, 2012, I chose to experience and to KNOW health and vitality in my physical body, and to know that I can fully trust all of me and all of life. YES, I did ;-) open to receive.

 

I sit here now and am feeling such a joyous wave of love and vitality washing over me, hearing the laughter of my soul, “Yes you did!” I know that the kisses of my spirit are as sweet and as real as the love that I can still feel from hugging Mike ‘goodbye’ a few days ago, our Michael; this young man who left the safety of his home at the tender age of 17, five years ago, no longer our Michael, but a world traveller who told us clearly from the get go who he was and yet is still here teaching and reminding me that it is as simple as saying, “Yes.” Michael, Mike, beyond time and space with a love so pure is always with me.  All of our precious children have messages from spirit for each one of us daring to open to expand and receive. All of life comes in to support us when we make this most loving choice to be here now, fully open to receive. This is my year, 2012, the year that I know that “anything is indeed possible!” Watch me!

By Brenda Harley 25/01/12

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