The Long and Winding Road...Brings Me Home!

Today I “real eyes” that I am home. It became clear, as I slowed down on my very new to me morning run (!!) in order to breathe. As my footsteps slowed, a heron glided effortlessly by, demonstrating a perfect landing, awkward legs gracefully deploying onto a nearby tree. Watching in stillness, we became one :) and I felt a desire to do some balancing yoga! Breathing with and into the balance of each posture, more and more of the swamp revealed itself, like one of those magic eye picture books! First a beaver swam by, barely rippling the surface of the water and then with a flash of gold, a magnificent tawny owl lifted off out of a tree. Leaning back into a back bend, high above, a hawk circled slowly. “Yes, I see you, I know,” I whispered back. In the animal totem cards, hawk stands for spiritual awareness and in this lifetime, we have had some curious encounters, hawk and I. I even got to “dine” with a feeding couple on the side of a busy tree lined suburban street one year, me eating a granola bar, while they dined on chipmunk! I am no stranger to animal “speak” :)

It began when I decided, unbeknownst me, to delve deep into my own unresolved energies, by inviting and allowing the integration necessary. All I knew was that I could no longer tolerate my gogogo activities and needed to slow down, so had signed up for yoga. Only then could I feel how very little breath I had left. As a mother, I had been so used to taking care of everyone around me, that my connection with myself had grown faint, as had I! Soon I was looking forward to the time at the end of every class when our teacher spread out her Animal Totem cards, inviting us to take one and receive a message. I can’t say that I understood much, but it felt good, reassuring some how. Again and again, I drew whale or hawk and though it took me some time (read years!) to integrate all of the changes that life was asking me to make, eventually I did and I understood.

So here I am, awake and aware that life has gotten very still and quiet and I am now doing yoga with a heron! Life is puzzling and I really have no idea how to “fix it” or move on and just as I had this realization, there was a flash of movement and breakfast was suddenly squirming in the heron’s beak. Out of complete stillness; the absolute “art of allowing,” came sustenance; food! Can it be that safety and security is ours when we allow ourselves to truly receive all that is here for us and has always been here for us? What if all we need “do” is shift out of our minds and into the moment. What if it can be that simple? What if our power is simply to change our minds/ to expand and that my path has been leading me here all along? What if there really are no wrong turns? How does that feel? Pretty darn good to me and lucky for me ;) these past ten years or so have pretty much stripped away the urge to get mental about anything that has happened. Fear has waaayyy too slowly ;) lost it’s grip and something new and trusting has begun to sprout and today I felt it, like a bubbling brook; a gentle happiness at all that is right here for me, simply asking me to look with both eyes and to know with absolute certainty that it is enough. I AM safe and today, I feel as though, it really might be and I AM home after-all! I could only arrive here, here in the core of me, this home that I have created and loved and exists always, no matter what it looks like. It can look like whatever I choose and ME, I choose this; the one that I already have, the one that exists deep within and also without. I AM staying put to enjoy all that life is now bringing me, bringing me right to my own front door!

So as I sit here, at home, typing and remembering, realizing how much has happened and yet nothing has happened, I feel a peace and a joy that I know is real. It reminds me of the moment that I first opened my eyes after a very deep and intense meditation experience at a recent Hawaii event. I looked out the window and there, right in front of me, the elusive whale that I had been waiting to spot and it was not way out on the horizon where I had been told to look at all. It was breaching and spouting and diving again and again, right there in front of me, appearing to do so just for me, sharing the joy, the delight in being alive! I felt it too, an unmistakable joy in the realization that I made it, I am here, still here with life all around me waiting to be explored and I AM ready, ready and willing to catch it with both eyes open! “I am home Auntie Em, I’m home” and this time I didn’t even need my red shoes!

~ creator brendaharley ~3/6/13

Brenda is an “awakening” blogger and her joy is to inspire you, who may be reading, to keep going, keep breathing more and more consciously into your life, just as it is, while looking out at the horizon where you know you are headed. Follow your joy; your heart’s path, and remember that all roads bring you home.