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Today, I realized, that we have gone beyond and there is no turning back. I was saying goodbye to my 22 year old son, as he headed off to work his passionless job in order to pay his bills and I suddenly found myself speaking to him about hanging in there and believing in himself. This has been a constant theme in our house ever since my husband “lost” his business. Suddenly we went from comfortable to extremely vulnerable with feelings of continuing loss and disbelief, as we encountered many steps in between that never seem to work out. The one strength that we discovered was our unwavering belief in each other. I know who my partner is even when he does not and he seems to have a high regard for my abilities even when they are not paying the bills! As anyone knows in a long term relationship, this is normally where things go very wrong! Both parties begin the blame game and soon the focus becomes survival to the detriment of everything else. Amazingly, we did not go here and have always found a way to say, “yes” to the things that matter to us, not burdening the kids with our current reality and yet not hiding either. I think this has been an empowering choice, making them more aware of their life choices, as they feel us dealing with ours.

SO here I stood, remembering our recent conversation about his future. I felt his despair, wondering if this road that he has chosen will ever get him to the destination of his choice. Unlike many his age, he knows what he is good at and only wants the chance to get going, currently finding it impossible to find full time employment in his field. This frustration led him to wondering about a change in career plans and it was this that he came to his Mom to share.

In reviewing our conversation, I felt that perhaps I had missed my chance to address the deeper issues going on…for many of us right now! “Do I have to fit in or can I really create the life of my dreams?” So this morning, as he headed out the door, I heard myself saying that his website is amazing and truly reflects who he is and what he offers and to not give up on himself. He is creative, quick and humorous and is so balanced within himself that I have never heard him raise his voice. He knows there is no need. The man is not here to compete, he is here to offer and to collaborate with life and cannot figure out why he is not finding something tangible in his field. I know the feeling. His dad knows the feeling. He too is an Aries male, bringing a tremendous amount of respect and fairness to his business dealings. Yet, still nothing and the darkness of late seems only to be mounting. One moment life shows the potential for the new coming in and the next, it is simply gone; evaporated, as though it never even existed. Yet it did and we know, so even though we are all wondering why and where and how right now. We also have a very strong and determined knowing that we have made it. The New Earth is here. Critical mass has been reached and the only question remaining is, ” where do we begin building?”

I know for me, as I felt myself sharing the truth of who my son is and what he is here to offer life, I also felt and heard my own words, knowing that they were as much for me and his dad as they were for him. The gift of the moment was how I felt him responding; heading out now to flip some burgers to pay for his car. Perhaps he was feeling a little bit better about himself, perhaps just a little less lost.
In these moments, I too know, without doubt, that I am here to do this very thing; to inspire others somehow to keep going when the going gets tough, to keep walking towards themselves and to never ever give up on themselves. Writers write and an updraft lifts hearts upwards. I am an updraft after-all and will never stop being who I AM. You?

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