Category: 2012 New Energy Flow


The Power of the F Word!

So much is coming into my awareness these days, that my only problem seems to be what to focus on to move forward! Ahh, such a problem to have after such a long sojourn off, well at least I now know how to breathe! Practice does in fact make perfect and of all the tools that I have tucked into my tool belt, it is by far the most practical, available and trans-formative to boot!

It has been a long haul crossing this dimensional bridge out of the old 3D fear based level of consciousness into a freer feeling, more flexible and much gentler…lol…on myself….space of 5th dimensional energies. To think that I pretty much got here all on my own, stumbling around in the dark, cursing a fair bit, I am a Maritimer after all, and eventually and very naturally, landing deep inside of me; this sweet still space of acceptance that is always here for me. Why it sounds down right breezy when I say it like that, but to have walked in my footsteps, feeling at times such overwhelming fear that I had to retreat even from my own grocery store (!!!), one would have much more compassion for ones SELF, I know that I certainly do! And this folks is how we do it; how we leave our own prison type belief system that continually runs the negative “what ifs” keeping us forever looping into cycles that bring us time and again back to the exact same place! Einstein’s theory of relativity in full swing! You really can’t get here from there folks, oh but how we like to TRY!

All I know for sure is that I arrived at a time in my life, when I was “happy’, had everything that I ever wanted and yet this great “unease’ kept screaming for my attention. It was only when I started to hear myself, that I really began to change. Yes, It is true. First I had to slow down…a lot! Next came the awareness that I had no breath and yoga floated into my life and “fitness” floated off! Always the challenge, “can I just take care of my own feelings first, while being aware of others?” How many times did I hear myself say to my partner, “I know that you feel like I am doing something to you (to irritate you, let’s just say) but really I am choosing this FOR ME! So I am dealing with all of my feelings that are trying to convince me that I can’t, finding all the way that guilt operates in me and I am asking you…hah, telling you actually, to pick up your own feelings. I’m no longer responsible!” It was hard, ask him! Yet, I knew intuitively, that had I not begun this journey back towards myself by picking up the responsibility for my feelings, that we would never make it. I had put way too much responsibility for creating my happiness over onto this shoulders and had entirely lost my way, lost my joy. Motherhood had consumed me. I was afraid that danger lurked in every crevice and had given up more than I dared to admit. Yet when I look back now, never had I truly been lost. This very experience is what provided me access into long lost feelings of captivity that I needed to feel, feelings that kept me trapped in all of my own demonic “I can’ts, I really want to but don’t even begin to know how to give myself permission to say yes to that”! In short, to remember and to free myself from all the ways that I stopped myself from being all that I am and doing what I wanted…me, no body else! No one to blame and this is a big one! This is the “shift”; the bridge that we each cross, within and without.

SO I am out now, this is what I have been doing these past 12 years or so, when every body else just seemed to be able to carry on somehow, I stopped. I chose another path, one of integration, where all of my shadow parts could catch my attention and come home to be loved and accepted inside of me. YUP…absolutely doing “nothing” on the outside and yet so much happening deep within! It has been far from easy, this path of conscious expansion; growing awareness, though the rhetoric has been pretty easy to learn. It is every where now, “simply breathe, be in the now moment!” “Oh yeah, well what if in this figgin’ now moment I feel powerless and crappy, a hostage in my own life, feeling as though I don’t know how to get to where I want, which is just to feeling better! S… does it really have to be so hard?”

NO, I discovered, not really but I did need to reach for things that helped me feel better and I had to listen in to my own guidance, which was always there for me when I allowed myself to connect in. Yes, it was as simple as breathing. Yes, this is how we do it folks! Crossing the bridge takes tremendous fortitude. It takes unwavering focus, knowing without a doubt while feeling many(!!) that there is something just over the rainbow, something that feels better, a new relationship with life and that some how, some way, we are determined to get there! Yes, folks…these are the NEW F words….feeling, fortitude, forward, focus….all great words describing what it takes to hang in there, as the old world  crumbles around us, we loose our way, feel lost and alone and then slowly begin to feel a new sense of hope blossoming within, a new flow of creativity opens, our passion for life returns and before we know it…hah…we’ve landed safely on the other side, where we begin again! Yes, sometimes that old traditional F word can still help shift a lot of old pent up energy that is ready to move out or it can even be your physical body releasing! Let’s not take it so personally. We asked for this, we’re ready, so let’s focus forward and begin building! Conscious creation only needs a few conscious creators….are you one? I am.

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WTF…Where Do I Fit In?

No more questioning, it’s OVER….I am here now, standing firmly on the new land, feeling my passion soar, no longer tolerating any self-limiting or fearful thoughts! Yes,  crossing that bridge from a 3D duality, limitation base into the 5th Dimensional reality where anything is possible has been a long, hard slug! Did I say, “hard?” I meant HARD! Every darn fear that I never knew that I owned came home to haunt me, every single way that I could diminish myself and keep myself small and “safe” invited me back. Understandable of course, when we have been here acting as a little human for thousands of lifetimes, killed and persecuted for these truths that we held in our hearts; this knowingness that there was more to it, to life and to me and to you. Always leaving earth in failure, not having found what we have been seeking; this grander part of ourselves, this re-connection with our soul’s guidance and love, always searching outside for this missing piece of the treasure that we buried deep within hiding in plain sight, our divinity, waiting silently for us to find when the time was right and it is NOW! The time is now, the time is here. It is time to begin again and to be all that are, Gods also, creating and experiencing life. WE are amazing, the power of our heart’s desires is unstoppable! And to think that it required only twenty to thirty years of prep in this lifetime, culminating with an intense uphill climb that endured well over twelve years, intensifying as we reached the point of completion; a feat that required every single breath of determination that we could muster up! Yet somehow, we have done it! We’re doing it, integration time; ascending while staying in physical form! It is a big deal, no wonder I have felt so dizzy since I arrived home from Dream Walker Life! It is a big commitment that I made to myself long ago and I am doing it, reaching my summit, one step, one breath at a time and remembering the fullness that I AM, integrating both the dark and the light within.

Little did I realize as I stood on the top of that mountaintop, only a few short days ago, what momentous energy shifting was upon me. How many ways must I discover that life is always on our side? All we need do is get out of our way, step outside our mind’s control and let go into life. Energy seeks resolution. It is a natural process and I  know this intuitively, for I gave birth naturally three times and trust me, not once did my mind provide a lick of help! It is happening, life simply showing us where we are stuck. If we choose to experience more of the old energies of our 3D world, where fear and struggle dominates, life has to oblige. It’s just energy folks, neutral stuff working to assist the energy resolution that is taking place. It is 2012. WE came in, we are here and we are the ones! The beauty is that it takes only the light of our own compassion beaming into the old constructs operating within us to allow the resolution to occur.

Are you choosing ease and grace or still resisting what is happening to you? If you don’t like it anymore, you have the power, you and you alone, to choose something new. AHH, but first the old will have to go and how does it do that? By showing up for you to see clearly how the fears and limitations play-out inside of you. As we begin the process of saying “YES” to life, in whichever way it shows up asking the question, expansion or contraction,  all of the feelings will present for us to feel what makes us feel good or bad! How does the old hostage energy work within me? It is this simple. Freedom lies within and so as we choose to honor our choice to feel better, we are already moving into a new direction and coming into higher alignment with life.Choices that put your own feelings at the top of the heap seem to be the most efficient way to do this and discovering all of the old negative mind chatter. Can you stop beating yourself up, worrying that some one else seems better at “it” or knows more than you or is doing it faster? This is the voice of our ego, the primitive mind that keeps us stuck in our past repetitions. Our soul’s voice, when found in a quiet moment, always fills us with a sense of peace, of hope, encouraging us to keep moving forward, wanting more for ourselves.

It is an arduous journey and extremely challenging for our physical bodies. Many find support by connecting back into nature, using our physical bodies in some way, or slowing down by turning to gentle exercise, like yoga, that helps us connect back into our breath. Toning or chanting can move energies very effectively, but sometimes a heart felt scream is just that! You may sense a desire to change the channel to softer music and start giving yourself permission to nap when tired. Your  dietary choices may fluctuate wildly, as your biology begins to heal itself from so many outside influences. Can you listen to what you want in every moment? Our higher frequency bodies need to hydrate more, as this assists the denser and lower frequency energies leaving, so drinking more water can help immensely. So too can long soaks in a salt bath, massage, really anything that helps you quiet yourself to open again into a receptive mode.There is no need for classes here. There is but one defining question, ” how can I support myself feeling better?” No one can do this for you. Listen in.

 

I woke this morning, feeling the heat in my chest, heartburn? NO….but there is constant  tune humming in my head, Adele’s, “there’s a fire starting in my heart….” It has a basic, foundational beat and I like it, I am it! As I hear the tune in my head, it helps me remember who I am; steady, basic, someone who offers a harmonizing note out into life, I cannot “not” be this, I am this, “I AM that I am.”

It is the time that we have all been waiting for and we are the ONES! We are all committed to walking this path of conscious evolution or I would not feel compelled to write and you would not be reading these words. Know that you are never alone. The entire universe is rooting for us, “ask and ye may receive!” Open, allow, trust and simply allow yourself to be supported in this magical journey, to blossom and become more and more of who you really are; a unique and powerful note; a drum beat, that when expressed harmonizes with all of life, helping to bring harmony and balance into life through us….we are the notes singing a new tune, building the bridges onto the New Earth with each one of our own heart filled yearnings. I have made it, I have landed on the other side where my joy and passion is with me more times than not! Yes, the old is still here too, the thoughts and the outer life circumstances still not quite matching my abundant nature, but I know that I AM here, all of me and I cannot wait to get going building anew!

F*+* The Detours!

A funny thing happened to me on the way to enlightenment, I actually lightened up! It really struck me yesterday as a friend and I went hiking. These last few years have been hard on me physically and so with trepidation, I found myself saying, “yes”! I hadn’t planned on this; on anything really, when she asked me the day prior, I simply dared to wonder and became aware of all of the mechanisms operating with me that would have caused me to say “no thanks, I don’t really want to.” I finally realized that this was a big lie. I just did not want to feel all of the discomfort that I knew that I would run into by saying yes! So to my surprise, I woke the next morning early, wondering and being aware of the weather forecast and knowing that if I did not get out that day, I would spend the weekend on the couch! So I got up, wondering.

Little did I know that my day was about to help me shift some old still lying in hiding within me and now ready to resolve itself. The beauty was that all it had required was a simple, yet powerful YES! So as I made the decision to get up early, life was already working on my side. I had a lovely and leisurely coffee with my “latte love” partner, who then headed off for his bike ride, leaving me to feel into the space. Next the excuses and obstacles revealed themselves slowly and deliberately; all that would divert me from what I was feeling, this immense wanting to go, but afraid that I might not be able “to do it” conflict going on between my body and my mind! “Shit”, as soon as I realized this old pattern rising yet again, I knew that I would be going. Methodically I began to prepare, still very aware that all of my escape clauses were still in effect….lol…but by 7am, I was making the call and soon after cutting off an old pair of yoga pants to be really comfy, even packing swimwear for the imaginings beginning to stir about myself even wanting a swim after a 5 hour hike!

Two and a half hours later, we were there and I was committed and just as I knew that I would, I ran into every conceivable thought pattern that could rise in me to steal my own success, my joy, my trust in myself and this magnificently strong body of mine! Yes, my legs wobbled, of course they did, they have been too long on the sidelines, making sure that all of my children got “to do”, while I supported and nurtured and losing my “active” self along the way. Don’t get me wrong, I Love being a Mom, I mean really love, but somewhere along the way I decided that it was easier to pretend that I didn’t want to then to deal with all of the dynamics that arose with two active parents. So my life over these past twenty years or so had gotten pretty restrictive and repetitive and eventually had started to show up in my physical body to be really felt by me. I felt it all, as I hiked, breathing deeply, slowly, stopping often, allowing my heart to catch up. I hit my wall. I considered turning back to liberate my friend from my slower pace, but decided to ask instead. I felt her truth; her joy in having me there, her anticipated excitement in sharing the view from the top and decided to keep going, rather than turn back. All of this was new for me.

It was only as we drove back, after that swim by the way, and hitting a road detour sign, hearing my friend say , “what at night, no way, F*+* the detour, as she manouevrerd her car past the pylons that I got it; what a momentous step that I had taken just by opening again to life, to yes. Life is constantly offering us the appropriate opportunities for awareness to deepen and expand. It is a natural process; this journey of enlightenment and it is happening for each one of us the only way that it can; within us; our own lives and relationships. This is an amazing journey of discovery; of remembering who we really are……God also!

So I say YES, “f+*+ the detours”! It is time to stop all the ways that mass consciousness has us going around in circles in our own lives. Freeing our energy to move forward in  new way, means letting go of all of the old energy ways in which we drive through life…all of the them and discovering the jewel along the way; my grand SELF; all that I AM and YOU are too!

Who Am I?

Well, all I know for sure these days, is that I am no longer asking! Lately I feel a strong sense that everything is changing; that the life I have always known is possible is now beginning. It feels a little like having two beautiful boys, being somewhat afraid to try for the girl that I always felt coming, letting go of it and then poof, she was here, announcing herself in a dream and even choosing her own name! So it is kind of funny that this morning, I woke after an incredibly deep sleep, a rarity these days, hearing her voice calling my name. So after waking, as a mother and taking care of what was up in that moment, I sat back with my coffee and heard my own voice, knowing that I am expanding again and this time I know clearly who I am. Finally these last years of study and introspection have come full circle; all the ways in which I reached out for something new, the teachers that I found or that found their way to me, the commitments to myself made and honoured. It is graduation time! I have journeyed far and wide, gone deep within and found a sweet, still space of remembering the fullness of me.

It struck me again this morning, realizing the magnitude of this momentous time frame that we are in; this portal of new energy between the eclipses and the Venus transit. It is a portal through which immense new energies are coming in to assist us moving forward in a brand new way, with an expanded consciousness supporting us, as we learn how to be aware of ourselves while being in relationship with others, simultaneously, with all of life. I am so grateful for me, having made the choice to stay here, right here and be who I am, living as a new consciousness pioneer and teacher. Yes, I am. It is after all, who I am.

It strikes me now as being funny, how hard we all try to fit in; to be what others want us to be and to take care of their feelings instead of our own, being told again and again that someone ‘out there’ knows more about us and how we operate than we do! Follow the rules, obey, fit in, don’t question or rock the boat, all of it affirming our reliance on an outer authority; some outer God, or a doctor maybe! It is so ingrained in our belief systems; that we continue to build our lives around this flawed belief, giving our power away again and again, waiting to be saved! Saved from what? This amazing journey of discovering “who we are” is our very reason for being; our primary purpose. What a paradox! The only obstacle in front of anyone is the one that we ourselves put into place, the veil of forgetfulness that hides us from our own divinity. And I am here to say that it feels so great to have gone beyond this limitation, to have pushed my own barriers aside and said, “Yes, to life,” without the need for control and to welcome in the fullness of my soul. The freedom to be and to express from this place of sovereignty is liberating. I hear a clear strong voice within these days that says, “I am done with trying to make a living, or looking for where I might fit. I am now creating my life, the one that supports my choosing to live!” There is a big difference, this shift in me; integration of all my lifetimes of experience and one that I have been learning about and preparing for always. It is a million dollar make-over that happened form the inside out and it is happening to you too! It all makes perfect sense, the karmic wheel going round and round until we choose to get off….the future is the past healed!

So many times in the past I would feel my discomfort at being asked, “What do you do” while hearing my answer, “I am a stay at home Mom”. “Where is the dignity”, I would wonder, “Where is the honouring for this incredibly difficult, yet vital job? Why the emphasis on doing, what about being someone that adds to the planetary harmony? Must I do it all at once? Why should I do outer work that impedes upon my ability to do the one that really matters, this demanding job of parenting? Why is this offering not enough? Who is raising the kids? Where is the balance?” I have been asking a long, long time and answering too! It takes only twenty years or so to focus primarily on parenting, surely as a society, we can afford to support families putting the needs of their children ahead of all else for such a short time in the continuum of our working life, allowing one parent to be there, really be there in those first five years of their life? Are we not raising the next generation of humans, hoping against hope that they can do what we feel we could not? Stop war, bullying and intimidation, violence on every level and find peace, co-exist harmoniously, helping and not hurting each other?

It’s not rocket science here folks! Just look at the income potential for all who choose careers in what we term the social section, the nurturers; the teachers, nurses, day care workers to name a few; the ones helping to raise and care for the next generation. Look at who earns the most money in our “developed” world! What a strange message to keep giving our kids. How can we keep raising the next generation of offspring with such little regard for those doing the job? How can we possibly raise little humans who feel good about themselves, when those who are “hands on” parents or working to support the parents are so underappreciated and under paid? It is the revolution that we are all undergoing and it is within each one of us, this re-balancing of our masculine/feminine energies; each side needed to support the whole. So how we partake in this evolutionary impulse makes all the difference, by adding or subtracting to the wave. Are you fitting in or finding your own way to self-worth? Do you love the way that you feel with the one that you “love” or are you just fooling yourself? This is our work, the path of the heart; finding the love of SELF before we can truly love another.

I have been doing this ‘work’ always; questioning everything and finding my value and thereby assisting the return to balance. All of us have a role to play in birthing this new earth into form. It is right here in our own lives that balance happens. We do it; we are it; the bringers of harmony and balance. We are the bridge between dimensions! It was in my experience of motherhood that I found the strength within, demanding that I respect myself enough to do this job well and with my full heart, next, to insist upon the same treatment from others. I was undefeatable; my self worth in this arena could not be diminished! Never did I expect, breathing into three completely natural deliveries and connecting with my feminine power, which somehow managed to bypass all of my fear receptors that I was only beginning. Never could I have imagined how joyous and challenging this journey would be and that each one of my children was here to teach me something different about my own limitations and fears. Each time that I embraced the responsibility of accepting my own feelings, refusing to allow them to bleed over into our children’s experiences, I expanded my own awareness. Each time that I was able to see them struggle with an ‘outer’ imposed limitation, and somehow liberate themselves to still express themselves without fear; I felt the growth in us both. I knew, instinctively, that it was all perfect for me, the good, the bad and the ugly! I was asked again and again to feel my own fear and accept responsibility for it. Our life is always offering us the ideal teaching ground; all is contained within. Where are we still stuck or unaware of ourselves? Are we growing or staying still, so small and quiet because we are afraid or too beat up by life that we have given up or given in? Our children are here to show us the light, but first we must encounter our own darkness or we will do to them what was done to us. It works, it really does! Expand and contract, the waves are endless and fast. This life offers us many opportunities to walk our talk, so pay attention to what you are feeling and accept the gift in this contraction, for the birthing is upon us. Duality is ending and no longer will we tolerate those who are not in an authentic space as teachers. We must be the change that we are here to teach about!

I feel so full these days, so filled with joy and wonder, not totally clueless but still not knowing exactly how it will all work out, my direction clear, for this is how it works in the fifth dimension. It is a flow in the now moment, which supports choice, based on our heart centers. “Who are you” whispers my soul, “can you hear me?” “YES, I can!” I know who I am, my purpose and why I am here, pretty cool eh? It only took me fifty-five years this time and many lifetimes to arrive, home in me, right back to where I began! But I am here now and feeling very excited and ready to begin; to be the teacher of consciousness that I am; a pioneer, no doubt a lot like you! So if you have any questions about the collapsing 3D world you see around you or the needy relationships based on a third dimensional unacknowledged need and are ready to move into a freer “5D” way of being in relationship with your SELF first and then another, you might want to reach out and ask, ask anything! It begins with a question; a question about you ‘in’ your life, are you, can you be so daring as to ask? The shift of 2012 is here and I have, you can too. It is as simple and as challenging as one deep breath in; a choice to be the explorer of your own feelings, allowing your awareness; your point of perception; consciousness, to expand. The bridge is you….the bridge is me.

Life is so strange these days, a joy of contrast! Yesterday the sun shone brightly and the light infusion of our solar magnetic upgrade entered our field even more so than it did on Sunday, riding in on the wave of “mothering” love that expressed itself so clearly and in so many ways. Here in Montreal, everyone took to the outdoors with a beautiful day supporting the desire to be out with Mom, picnicking or brunching, it didn’t matter, the city was a buzz. I personally had woken with a headache, which is often the case with an infusion of energy and yet it did nothing to dampen my mood or affect my choice to go out to a hot yoga class. After an unexpected traffic complication, being so naive to the ways of the city that we had not anticipated the affect a major highway closure would have on Montrealer’s determination to get mother out, we made our class and right on time, as my partner had decreed! He is a man who simply never gives up! Not only did I get to yoga, but I also got something else that I had wanted, as he had made plans with our son to pick up his sister and meet us at our favorite Indian restaurant, now how fortunate can a mother get? But it gets even better, they brought flowers and the scent is still infusing the house and our son does not even like curry, ha! So I was feeling pretty darn spoiled, happy and loved and aware of the simple moments that have become like treasures to me; the gift of our PRESENCE, all that is ever really needed or appreciated.

So it should have come as no surprise, yet it did, when I woke the next day feeling a simmering sense of anger and sadness. I do however, know enough by now about allowing my feelings to be and to express, without taking anything personally or trying to fix or solve anything, so eventually, by night time, the day and my feelings had transformed. The sun was warm, the feeling of femininity returning, as I chose to put on a long skirt, allowing my skin to feel the air and to drink in the warm sunshine, after another long winter. It is a delight that we, in the north, are blessed to experience time after time! I even got a new dress gifted to me, simply because I heeded the call to return another; a great day all in all. I felt the beauty of our house yet to be born, the gifts that still lie buried and the joy of a vibrant spring time blooming, even discovered a pink trillium in my tiny wee patch of white ones, so delicate and resilient like me!

Today as I woke, breathing fully into me and the day ahead, wondering what it may bring, I could smell the over night rain. My head felt clear and I received the scents of springtime, wafting in my open windows, so simple,, so joy FULL. I felt different again, filled with clarity, hope and purpose and I realized that there is a new and very delicate balance going on, “as within, so without.” Me and Gaia are in perfect balance; when she goes up, I go down and vice versa! We are working in snyc, supporting all who choose this path of awakening with heart and purpose. Yes, I am getting it, getting me, how what I do matters and helps create this new and more loving balance, that I and many others are helping to birth on this magnificent planet of ours.

This past week or so, I have been noticing the crows around me in a new way an become aware that Crow must have a message for me and I’ve been meaning to check. Every time I go out, I hear him “cawing” and as I look out the window, he/she is perched in my tree! Today, feeling the fullness of my own joy and the acceptance in me, of me and my part in this global shift of consciousness that we are all a part of, I finally went and found my book and looked up crow…wow…thank YOU little fella or gal..lol…or both! I believe crows are the one bird that remain fully connected to their entire family throughout their lifetime and I just happen to have a sister-in-law, a crow woman, who has learned from hers and taught me much!

So for you all, a gift from Crow, excerpted from the book, Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams & David Carson, “Crow knows the unknowable mysteries of creation and is the keeper of all sacred law. Crow can bend the laws of the physical universe and shape shift, consciously being in two places at one time. All sacred texts are under the protection of Crow. There are billions of worlds and infinite creatures and Great Spirit resides within them all. If Crows laws, as given by the creator, are followed, than we die a Good Medicine death, going on to the next incarnation with a clear memory of our past. Crow is an omen of change, lives in the void and has no sense of time. Crow merges past, present and future, light and dark and sees both inner and outer reality.”

THANK YOU CROW! Yes, I do and today my heart is soaring and open. I AM flying on a “magic carpet” into infinite possibilities of new life, joy and freedom. Coming?

PS…for you Heather, a message from Hummingbird, “The song of Hummingbird awakens the medicine flowers, singing a vibration of joy!”
Please do feel free to share as long as you include authorship, Brenda Harley, May 15/12.
http://www.abundantruth.com

Hallelujah…

WE are the Easter people and the “egg” has hatched! Shine your LIGHT…this is our power. Focus it on what you want to see more of and thereby FUEL what is already here; growing, and expanding.

Expect MORE exalted ones….esteemed teachers that you are! Feel it, breathe it all in and BE it always dear ones.

In loving conscious collaboration, helping to create community, I AM Brenda.

Crimson Circle Teacher, April 9/12.

Hey, finally! I am getting it, getting me. It is my partner’s BIRTH day today, 60, a biggee! And I get to watch, to witness, to BE here with him in which ever way he chooses to experience his day and I AM. I mean I always was, but having married in each other in an old energy “contract” we have had many, let’s just say opportunities, to catch ourselves trying to seek something that is “missing” in ourselves, in the other.

These past ten years or so, has provided all of the appropriate supports that we each needed to dig in a little more and to let go of the desperate need of the other providing the something missing! I know it sounds trite and simplistic, but really it is. Let go and trust your self more, respect you and your own feelings first and you then offer a respectful energy outwards. We truly are at the center folks. It begins and ends with each of us.

I am so full, as I sit to write this morning. He is off for a run, the plans are set with a fair degree of flexibility and I know that the day will unfold as he has chosen. All of life does indeed serve us when we know who we are and what we want. The CT results came in yesterday and so that energetic karmic cloud that came in with us both to repeat the “sick” Mommy, no partner experience is over. Yes, the buck stopped here!

Supporting another finding their way through the darkness is my passion and my gift. It is my joy and why I am here. To know that it began right here, between the two of us so long ago, continued through the birthing of three amazing new kids and continues on still….phew…the magnitude of my joy and excitement is boundless and it is working! Yes, I am the gift and it is radiating now. My light is on…his is glowing stronger daily, as he feels the freedom to be who he is now, reflecting back in it’s fullness. He has been and still is a most effective teacher on this earth plane and with some very stiff competition!  YES, we are here to be the standards of love and compassion, respect and determination, united as one and we are… look out world….balanced couples are in the house! Can you imagine the harmonizing energies and the affect upon our children? I can. I have three of them.

I am discovering every single day now that what I claimed for my SELF only one short (!!!) year ago, is true. Yes, I am whole; an “updraft” to life’s downward dog…it is who I AM. All of life benefits by my staying true to who I am and offering the support and encouragement that I am here to give. This is my gift and to own it fully and offer it freely, on the day of my partner’s birthday, is my celebration to life and to us. My heart is expanding in joy, as I write, finish, post and share….can you feel it?

Aspect Attack

It is so exciting for me to welcome a new GUEST, Lise Storm Karlsen, here into my blog space, a space that I created to share my experience of integration. It brings me such joy to be able to witness others doing as I AM, living their talk and walking their own path. No one can do this job of integrating the Divine in us, balancing the sacred masculine and feminine energies within but us, no one.

Fear lives in the past or the future, protection or projection. The present moment is all that counts, catching how you are feeling as life brings you opportunities, is the transformation that we have all been waiting for. It is right here, right now and many are doing it.

This moment in time on planet Earth is like no other. 2012 is the year of power, a number 5, change! Welcome it, embrace the changes and know that it is a powerful time to be birthing your true SELF into your life. Who knows what comes next? All I know for sure is that with you in it, its going to be fun! Welcome Lise and thank YOU.

“The last days I’ve been aware of a very life-defining aspect lingering… so close, but not yet integrated. I feel its resistance – feel the wave’s of unease flushing through me when I do something to activate this… programming; when I’m not acting/being according to its… rules, requirements, limitations and specifications; when I’m allowing myself to loosen up, letting go of the self-control, opening up in creative, spontaneous, passionate, playful, powerful and rebellious ways (rebelling against these rules…).

I breathed into the feelings more totally than ever this morning – asked this creation of my soul “why are you still resisting?”… and I felt its rigid demands/vows/oaths – made by one of my soul’s life-experiences… probably during the (for this aspect) traumatic “fall” of Atlantis (that is what I feel… but it’s very subtle and vague).

I was actually very excited yesterday – celebrating a huge breakthrough: I worked on our homepage (www.houseofawakening.cc) adding info and pics… publishing all this stuff totally without unease/anxiety. I could not believe it; I just felt immensely proud and happy and relieved… not a drop of fear or doubt at all! That is completely new for me – such unqualified positive feelings for something I created. Actually this also goes for the guests we’ve had here lately; absolutely no stress at all (no feeling of duty and responsibility – no pressure on myself at all… to be pleasing etc.)!

But the unease came back yesterday evening – not because of the homepage-creation or guest, but because of a silly, unimportant comment I made in a small-talk-thread on FB; just meaningless words having fun – and the feeling was back. At first I was very disappointed – I really thought that this aspect was neutralized now, that it had surrendered, that this programming was deleted, that this limitation in me was gone – integrated and healed… but nope – still there. So, it was a good thing I made that stupid comment; I want to finish this now – eat the whole elephant! I took a deep breath and said “hello, you!” And breathed some more – before sleep (the last though being “it ends here and now!”) and then again this morning… feeling the unease still there (“hello you, still here? Good!” :-). Now I’m really getting to know this aspect:

It is an aspect making sure that my creative power is NEVER EVER “misused” again – a vow never to risk feeling responsible for any fault, destruction, pain and suffering ever. Thereby the game of pleasing and submission, punishment and penance begun – pretending to be small, disempowered, unworthy and guilty. My divinity totally sealed off and secured. I’m breathing it in; “I see/feel/hear you!” ♥

But it will not let go of its role/task. The I of my soul from that time made sure of that. It is created to limit, no matter what. No argument, no changes can make it surrender. It is a an ingenious, intricate, genius, diabolical, brilliant creation – seemingly unapproachable and unchangeable… unlike any other aspect I’ve faced (they have all listened to me, felt me, trusted me and surrendered in the end ♥).

For a moment I felt like a hacker trying to reach inside a very well secured database with impenetrable programming…. NOT! There is always a way in…. especially since this aspect is My creation as I Am. And what I have created I can change/uncreate also. But not by forcing my way in. It is a delicate matter, this brilliantly woven never-ever-oath-programming.

Come to think of it the aspect has not much power left actually – it can only create subtle waves of unease now, passing easily though me without attaching. It cannot make me change my mind and act according to its demands anymore – or paralyze me into passivity through intense anxiety or heavy depression.

Ahhhh (I’m so glad I wrote this, because) suddenly I see the solution clearly – yessss :-D: I don’t have to find a solution! I don’t have to find way through to the aspect/programming! I don’t have to change anything or uncreate anything. I just have to continue being real – being me – being the uncompromising, unwavering sovereign human master (rock ;-) that I Am… not allowing any games, dramsa, autopilot reactions, fears to play out in me… being solid, knowing, trusting and compassionate.

In the end the aspect will see that its rules, requirements, limitations and specifications don’t apply to me anymore – and that it is okay; nothing bad happens – not to me, not to anyone else, not to the world. It will see that it truly is okay to let go. It will see that actually beautiful, wonderful, magnificent things happens! Can you see that now aspect? You will ((((♥)))) just wait and see!”

By Lise Storm Karlsen

Feb 28/12.

I am inspired this morning by something I read in one of my private Facebook groups of amazingly courageous, outside the box “explorers” of new consciousness. In the article, which I am hoping to be able to share here with you, the author speaks about a very recent attack of one of her own dark aspects that is still trying its’ best to protect her and keep her from expanding; in short to keep her small and less than she is, her radiant God SELF. Now I know this girl from her many candid postings, her honesty is transparent, her willingness to go beyond her wounded past, absolute. She inspires me.

All of us are held by a dark aspect, created in a past life experience and carried forward on a conscious wave of energy, all of us, whether or not you believe it or understand, it matters not a lick. All energy seeks resolution and the only place that this can happen is through us, our bodies and our lives. We are the bridges to our Divine. WE are the living yin/yang symbol…the dark in the light of us holds our divinity safe, deep in the heart of us; the one place that most are reluctant to look. Yet here is this heartfelt sharing reminding me of who I AM and what I am here to do; to experience, to write and to share.

I was feeling such excitement as I read her words, her experience containing all of the energy that I know so well; the energy that punishes right after an opening, that continues to play the same message over and over again, ” we’re sorry the person to whom you are trying to reach is unable to express life, as they are currently experiencing their own unique form of incapacitation!” This feeling of not being able to say “yes” to life can show up in a myriad of ways.  For many it is a feeling of “not being well”, yet the choices are almost too many to list! I can almost hear you all now beginning to understand and to hear you own.  I am feeling the humor bubbling up now. I swear that I hear laughter! I mean I have suffered from so many different types of “I can’t,” ranging from the “I don’t feel like it” and escalating towards physical feelings of not being well with many restrictions playing out from eating choices to panic attacks while driving. Anywhere that I felt myself expanding was where I shut myself down. Many today still busy constructing their own form of “I can’t” have chosen the financial reality that restricts and controls everything. Most of us are trapped primarily by one or the other, though the two often go well together! Remember we are as unique as a snowflake; no one is doing it in the exact same way.

Over the years I have become more and more aware of the feelings that control me. I have experienced feelings of depression and hopelessness so dark that I thought I might never rise again. There were many strange sensations of physical weakness, but basically it all resulted in an inability to enjoy LIFE, the ultimate sign of an aspect attack. It saps our joy, destroys our belief in self and keeps us trapped in our own drama. It has a role which is to continue the charade that we know as life and keep us away from our authentic selves, our own spiritual natures, our Divinity and our power and it works, quite beautifully.

You see I was so busy watching my life and my physical body’s reaction to it that I forgot to get in it! Oh I was in everyone else’s….lol….loved it there, felt so safe to be able to direct others, while safely denying the constrictions that I felt in me.  I really had begun to believe that this was me; this limited untrustworthy version that I had constructed over these past 50 years or so was all that I was and that my job was to fit into this rather small tight space. No wonder I was dreaming from as long as I can remember of feelings of contraction and expansion. So when I began to say Yes to life in a brand new way after all the physical purging of these past few months and felt safe, felt able, felt myself truly being and expressing all that I AM, I was also setting myself up for a major aspect attack.

This time I was ready, however I did not yet know what I was signing up for! I had a friend in town visiting and we were out shopping. Before I even knew what was happening, I found myself picking up several spring items with no idea, no limit and no agenda, I was simply out with a friend, having fun and allowing myself to say yes to the experience. Soon I was in the change room trying things on and felt myself expanding into the new that I know is just right there in front of me. I do not yet know exactly what it will all look like, however I do have a very good sense of where I am headed and most importantly who I am and what I have to offer. Items just appeared to me, they almost jumped off their racks asking “Can you see me, are you ready?” “Yes”, I heard myself answer finally, “YES!” All of life is here to serve my expansion, all of it, every last bit of it, the good, the bad and the ugly, all. We are built to thrive, not maintain the status quo; we are here to expand beyond our limits, to push the boundaries of our personal comfort zones.  New energy flows, like water, it finds its own direction always and I am in the flow.

Oh the joy, the ease and the feeling of  freedom that I experienced when I heard myself saying “yes” to hot yoga the next morning, willing to feel what it is like to allow an adrenalin rush to get us somewhere on time, realizing that this was a new flow for me, this “yes” that I was feeling deep within. It was a magical day and I felt at home in me, at peace and in full trust. It is no longer something to be sought after, studied or tried for, I am here now fully integrating my divine human self, masculine and feminine balancing within and so it is. All is indeed well all of the time. Yesterday, twenty-three years ago, I joined a very special “hood”, the one called motherhood and shared by many. Today I recognized another brave soul whose very life is teaching her all that she is ready to know. We are the new humans, our lives; our bodies are the new teachers. It is no longer out there, but in here.

Very special thanks to you Lise Storm Karlsen for your posting this morning and as always, much loving thanks to Adamus  and Tobias of the Crimson Council.

By Brenda Harley 28/02/12