Feeling Into My NEW Relationship With My Body

My body and I have long had a somewhat adversarial relationship ;) me doing my best to try to trust it, while it continued it’s patterns of unexpected betrayals, no matter how many times it happened. This past  year has been one long roller coaster of alternating between feeling light and expanded and almost as soon as I really let myself feel how good this felt, boom…the complete and polar opposite, coming in with an attacking energy, stealing my joy and leaving me feeling helpless and lost, heavy and hopeless AND yet I knew that I was not. It was a very physical dance of awareness.

Slowly the patterns emerged,with my body showing me all the ways in which I had learned to protect myself. By staying out of balance, I could not expand and feel safe. It was a perfect set up and I knew that the time of completion was upon us both. Life is always responding to our inner most desires and so the ideal circumstances began to materialize. All I needed to do was to stay present to all of my feelings. There were fights and old patterns of trying to fix with a lot of needless worry and thinking and then a softening, a slowing down of the pattern so that I could receive all of it with the utmost compassion that being a human can elicit. It has been a long and arduous journey in the dark, knocking about, trying to remember who we are and finally I have a tremendous sense that all is well. Indeed I am right where I need to be, having gotten nothing wrong and now is the time for NEW. I am beginning a brand new pattern of trusting ALL of me and I am exited.

This morning I woke with a headache dancing around, my tummy still not sure of anything and me, just watching it all. I came down early, feeling both my desire for coffee and the fear that it might “hurt” me, as well as the fear for tomorrow`s early morning flight, wondering what food might be safe for me….confusion! Stomach issues have been a long standing challenge for many of us bringing in the balanced energies of the Divine feminine. I knew this morning, without doubt, that all of this past experience was for me. so I took that deep and very conscious breath and asked my body what it wanted, “Coffee is medicine for me,” it replied without hesitation. I drank it with love and a few hours later, I still feel well. Feeling my stomach grumble a little later, I asked and then noticed the banana near by almost calling me. Eating it, I felt a familiar tingle and knew it was my body’s response,”yes!”This is real. I feel a new dance of love beginning between us and for the first time in a long while, I again  feel excited for what is to come.

It has been a long haul from 1999 until now, for those who began to awaken in the first wave. We came in as way showers, to clear the path and to stand as whole beings; having fully integrated our feminine and masculine natures, as well as our divine human attributes. We have done it and now are walking forward once again. The inner transformation of all the ways in which fear based consciousness held us trapped and separate from the truth of who we are is letting go.The past has revealed itself to us. Yes, we may feel wobbly and not yet sure, but this too shall change, as we allow ourselves the new discoveries that are here for each and every one of us. These are new times, not yet experienced by the human race and so our minds will be unable to help. It is now our  hearts and souls which sing and guide us…

As I sat eating and enjoying my banana, I heard my soul so clearly…” Eat what you want and let me do the rest.”

“YES” I whispered softly, “I hear you and I know. This is my time now. I am free.”